Crazy- complete different world right now. an inner, more eclectic, less strings world.

home is here because

i have been thinking... a lot. and its cool to be home and feel so different from before. my spectrum has been broadened a tad bit and it is refreshing. chardon is.. very straight laced and it is nice to be able to step out of the chaos and actually see things for how they are.

it's strange, the concept of "peace." because everyone wants different things in life, so is peace really attainable? athens and chardon are sooooo different. I guess peace has to start from within, just like that cheesy quote. if everyone is happy with where they are at, then we could all be happy together.

we are the generation that could potentially change everything-

i think it's so true that our biggest fear isn't inadequacy but it's actually the fear that we are powerful beyond measure. we are capable of doing anything we want. but boy am i lazy

all i want is happy times with family and friends. i dont really feel like changing the world. at least not right now. but i do want to go to vermont.


(:

Where does everybody else put these feelings

fresh feelings

and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden.

memories are so blissful.
-don't they always seem a little better than they actually were at the time?

i looove anticipation- but i also love having no expectations


there is a part of everything that remains untouched, at least for a little while. i guess i mean innocence. innocence in relationships when you and your lover have never gotten into a fight; when a baby's only capable sin is crying. a big one for me is how i see people as perfect. i see them as perfect for a while, until they prove me wrong. these things are so beautiful. ignorance is bliss. but what i really like more is when innocence is lost- and somehow there is beauty in the flawed- in grace. in the fact that everyone is so broken that it is okay. then real things begin to happen- you work through things and suddenly everything is possible.

he is the slave of his dream and free to act

this light that is forcing me to grow is hard to decipher or distinguish, but i do know it exists.

me be bored

No finals till Tuesday, nothing really to do. So my mind wanders and I fall asleep on the couch and live in dreams and when I wake up I have experienced a whole day and I can't decipher dreaming from not dreaming- but really everything feels like a dream- because as I work (putting away books) my mind wanders and makes up things [conversations with people, invitations, etc] and it's like I am dreaming- my mind tends to wander, and wonder. ;;;;;; barefoot, of course.

All i really need is a window. I could honestly sit here all day.

I am interested in....

People. I am interested in the human quality that we all possess and yet sometimes forget. Sometimes we act like robots who are programmed to do certain things or act a certain way.

I love...

Variety. I love variety, I love being surprised; especially by people's actions. I love when people do something outrageous or completely out of the ordinary. Because one, it is so inspiring to witness. Two, it proves that we are human and we can be completely unpredictable even though sometimes we act like we can fit inside this perfect little mold, this box of a life.


PLEASE SCREAM

PLEASE MAKE A SOUND

DO SOMETHING YOU ARE TERRIFIED, DEATHLY AFRAID TO DO.

I'll try.

I care a little less about a lot of things. It is quite relieving.


they are doing something

stumbles.

"Sometimes the best way to communicate with another person is by not saying a word, but just listening to each other breathe, and be."

How exhilarating it must feel to not have to rely on words and talking to communicate.

i don't do crowds

today, this moment, weightless. not so heavy in my body, not so.. self obsessed.

eight thirty four pee emm

wouldn't it be cool if sometimes we could put on harry's invisibility cloak, just to disappear for a bit? maybe get some homework done, maybe just sit and watch people walk by and know they are not altering their being [even by just a teensy amount] because they see you. i start to think about this when i put my hood up.



being in the woods all weekend was so.. exhilarating, and simple.[food,warmth,sleep] and um... my dreams were crazy. i wonder why that happens whenever i leave from the familiar.



my mood feels a lot like the weather

athens is so pretty

scary

scary to me
how much we isolate ourselves
and feel the exact same way
yet we isolate ourselves
and don't open up
and pretend everyone is against us

scary
scary
scary

let's not spill the truth

you quit dreaming again, i can see it now clear.

i love sundays around here.. just a tad bit.

what dreams may come:
Is that a kind of occupational hazard of soul mates ? One's not much without the other ?
Where is God in all of this?
Albert: Oh, He's up there. Somewhere... shouting down that He loves us. Wondering why we can't hear Him. You think?
Albert: So what is the "me"?
Chris Nielsen: My brain I suppose.
Albert: Your brain ? Your brain is a body part. Like your fingernail or your heart. Why is that the part that's you?
Chris Nielsen: Because I have sort of a voice in my head, the part of me that thinks, that feels, that is aware that I exist at all.
Albert: So if you're aware you exist, then you do. That's why you're still here.
Albert: Soul mates. It's extrememly rare but it exists. Sort of like twin souls tuning into each other. Apparently even in death.

isolation was someone else's bad idea.. right?

lioness

i'll burn every bridge that i cross
and find some beautiful place to get lost

heartz

we aim to please, because if we please, we feel accepted, (normal, human, broken but beautiful) and being accepted reminds us that we are loved,

and love is the aim

boys arent charming and nothing surprises me. im only writing this so i cant admit im feeling this way and then make an effort to change. i really cannot free my mind lately. maybe its too many substances, maybe its being too sober. the sad thing is that nothing ever surprises me. i desperately want to stop searching and instead crawl into my within, and breatheeee. but even more, i want to hug new boys and nestle into their chest and feel safe and warm and surprised. i get really excited, and then something hits, and the excitement is gone. this is me being honest. the thing is, i feel like love is hopeless, because i have it, yet i don't want it. i want surprises and inconsistency. i want my reality to be a fort, made out of just one blanket so as to not be too complicated and i want to only exist within the fort, and when i step out, the world is my jungle gym of dreams and nothing is real and today will fade away. yet, it already does, so who's to say this is real anyways. i always just feel so drawn away from everything, from everyone. always. i feel like im on the outside looking in, and i hate that i am so selfish with how i feel. i want to share, not freaking obsess over what is going on inside of me. i feel like the base of me is empty. all my pain is numb. like even if i wanted to feel pain for things that have changed or people i miss, i just dont feel anything. nooothing. weird, today was such a great day, and it ended like this. yet it feels good to let words out that you might associate with me, yet i am just glad to let them be free. this isn't me.
drifting back into something

night

hahahaha
van morrison= my childhood