things i want to do (inspired by my pen pal)

-have a snowball fight in the middle of new york city

-dance to PHunk all night long (and get shin splints)

-get a favorite song from all of my friends

-see my cousin shelby soon

-run through the woods

-SCREAM MORE! (happy screams)

-read all day

-get awesome at snowboarding

-get awesome at ice skating

-get awesome at knitting (or just learn how to)

-learn to speak a different language (or just keep speaking with a british accent)

-do something with sticks

-run like a little kid

-drink out of jelly jars

- things i want: merrells, a gap coat, and converse's. awesome.

when i think of you

(and who you is, is not who you think)

i think of running through fields and getting slushies and bringing them everywhere, and singing in the car with your hair blowing in the wind. i think of boys and i think of parties and of lusting after love. i think of loud laughs and soft music. i think of being high and jumping on a cold tile floor. so much life pumping through such little veins, someone once said people suffer from one of two things: too much life or not enough. i wish i knew you. what makes you.. what makes you sad? how do you feel when you are alone? what time do you wake up? what runs through your mind? what is something you do every day? i guess i am obsessed with this image that might not exist, and yet it makes me feel at ease. it feels so familiar, wondering these things.

woo woo woo!

The Awakening
(Author unknown)

A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH1 Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not you job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you lean not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

http://www.maniacworld.com/laughter-chain-try-not-to-laugh.html

i just want a friend to walk around with me all the time, or most of the time

i want to talk to strangers
i dont wanttttt people to be strangers

i just had a dream

i couldnt believe you were on rollerblades. it was too good to be true. we might have been at hogwarts, and then i realized my feet were rollerlading too, so i leaped into the air and twirled all around and because we both had rollerblades on we could do anything.

i feel something

what needs to happen-in order for me to rise above?
-new place, new landscape?
-soberness, less ego, less labeling of "the other"
yoga
-healthy food
-inside?
inside where. where, is this soul you are speaking of?

ex ployy

my brain.. is exploding within my body. my thoughts.. they won't turn off.. my ego, eating me alive. alive- bump bump.. i feel it, yet i do not register with it- my thoughts, my soul burrows itself. there are so many aspects in this- i think i need a guru. i want one, atleast. someone who's presence is overwhelmingly comforting and i don't need to date them to feel it-

english teachers, i tell you. we like words, and yet words barely express. you on the other hand, you say it through your skin. and you and you and you.

airline tickets leading to here or somewhere you have always wanted to go, to be, to experience. have you ever just felt like you haven't experienced enough? we only see a fragment of our world, and its not enough

somewhere sweet,
where cigarettes aren't filled with tobacco
and love.. just exists because two people stumbled upon it
umm.. love, chips with dip, rivers, walks for the homeless. random run ins, chardon-iters, and um..you. it makes a difference

sp i i ritual communion i tell you.

if i said how i really felt, i dont think anyone would like me

the only thing running through my head/veins are led zeppelin chords and gal lullabies. i swear all i need is you guys and you you you. amazing how free we can let ourselves be on nights like tonight : )

WEIRD

i need to stop twirling my hair.
right nooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww

secret:
when i was little i thought the worst thing i could be called was weird.
i was so afraid of being weird

6yrs old

and life is so wound up inside that i am about to burst

white stuff

i havent
written in
my journal in so
long so i just
keep recording random
things in here..
i love
that it is snowing
in athens,
and so much of it too!
so beautiful, it really makes athens
open to the eye in a completely different way-
we saw fall, and now winter.. and later the other seasons.
it is funny how bodily functions can be so distracting
distractions-
the book the god delusion
is so interesting and-
thought provoking.
i think if i forget
how to do math
these days.
oh wellz
cool
new
words:
(atleast to
me)
memes- cultural ideas/beliefs
genetic drift- a randomly spreading gene
altruism- an unselfish concern for the welfare of others
the book also talks about how we could survive on 2 types of altruism
if it weren't for money, because it creates debt to each other,
something
we owe someone else-
something someone is expecting back from us

i want a best friend
i want to be in love
i want to be comforted
and needed
i want it all

can you believe it??

we're going back.

life is crazy!!!!!

the one thing i really love is being young