wrestle with the sky

i scratched the itch on the bottom of my feet over break only to realize that my feet are restless with an itch that might remain itchy for the rest of eternity. itch itch, scratch scratch. the question is, who am i among my surroundings, what world do i create for myself depending on where i am? back in athens and the air is moister than it is out west, my roomies have warm hearts, and there are a lot of random people smiling. ah yes, i am in college. i am here to go to class and learn. my job is to declare a major and to put away books, and my parallel universe is one where i ride really fast on a bike until i am out of breath and i roll into a sunny hillside and people who i barely know run up and lay down next to me and we share each others universe if only for a second, maybe between my heavy breathing and your calm or sporadic demeanor. either way, we meet and we fall in love with the world through each others eyes. i see the same restlessness in you that i see in myself.

5 cookies later, scratch is playing on a cassette and the window is open and the air is moist..i still feel like i am moving, shaking, falling asleep against a window. i speak but my voice is scratched and is out of line to be speaking words (trying to represent my feelings) that come out of my mouth and get mixed with the air and it ends up that these words are detached from myself- i could go silent.

dreams/reality

what you put into life, it seems to give back to you

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my thoughts on this quarter

twist of a day

some days, my body is so heavy and i can barely speak without feeling gross. i am sorry in advance to you, don't take it personally please. some days its like im trying to fight away the pain rather than find happiness- but what is one without the other, anyways? happiness, pain.. they seem to know each other. and then a twist of a day and i feel alright again. i don't know where a sense of well being randomly sprouts from, but i am happy when it does. is life worth living because we deem it tragic when others die? do we think it is tragic because we loved that person, or is it tragic because a whole life was left- unlived? if i assume the second, then life is worth living. and its not that i am trying to believe that, i really do believe that. it's just that sometimes i want to be closer to the beautiful things than i can be, so i do stupid things. i go out on a limb and am sometimes disappointed in myself- but other times it feels good to strive towards things even if they feel unattainable at the time. it's beautiful to see you live though, let me tell you that. all of you, i love to watch live. i like humans more than i care about the earth, and yet humans seem more complex to me than ... anything.

things that make me happy

the sun
honesty
hugs
laughing
iced coffee
smiles
a good hack
a good beat
adrenaline
green grass
a compliment
an honest opinion
insight
letters- notes, emails, any
understanding
a good book that never gets old
a good pen
a good friend
texts from my parents (and relatives)
yoga, breathing
climbing
crying
sharing
respect
integrity
rollerblading
good intentions
feeling relieved
people drawing hearts
professors
the feeling after giving a nervous speech
getting stuff done
getting nothing done but playing in the sun
rain
the windows are open and its raining

blow

my natural instinct seems to go against the wind. i feel like i do things in reverse (in every sense) ; my body is cold in the summer and hot in the winter. i like rainy days when people are afraid to go outside (snowy too) and i like it late at night when no one is awake. (sometimes i like being lost or without my phone- i take comfort in chaos and being unsure. things get weird when i try to figure everything out. i like feeling dismantled, running around.) i like the morning when everything is new and people have yet to open their eyes- i like not speaking at all and i like the feeling in my tummy when laughing. i like whispering, and yelling. i like being alive- sometimes everything is so beautiful and life seems so full i could pop my bubble like a balloon, and only goodness would remain. real, tangible, something. what is that feeling?? have you ever wanted to dive into sky when it is setting or have you ever wanted the wind to blow you along with it? sometimes i want to be the beauty i see all around instead of simply being the observer. summing up the excitement in my chest from just a good moment- i can't even describe that 000000000000000000000

other times i am a bubble that would rather pop quickly than remain. my state of being is continuously looping up and down, the happiest times pass through lucidly and suddenly i feel normal again- level with the ground. i need external things to be elevated; where is that feeling i had before? i know this is part of being human, our continuous cycles of emotional states- but ..

i like the warm weather, people with less clothes on, it seems friendly and i dunno. but i am partial to winter hats and sweaters. but the sun, i am partial to the most.
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Ten (or 5) things that are bound to make you happy/ or feel good

You tell me : i want to know.