eXpression

I take no real value in "things". I think I rely almost completely on expression of all intangibles- I long for it. ( ( ) But slavery of expression is murder, and I feel nauseated at the thought of "having" to do anything. So what's the opposite? I want forms to come and go effortlessly, and that doesn't mean my room has to ever be clean again. I wouldn't feel the need to pick up any messes. If I could, I would swim weightlessly in a sea. It doesn't matter what kind of sea, as long as its blue and it's water. What else? Smiles would unlock souls. Mountains would be deliciously dewy on the other side. (and edible of course) Words would only be used on occasion, there would be a lot and a lot of laughing. Everyone would know the color of your eyes and god would kiss you infinitely. And when you fully express yourself, heaven on earth.

thankful for

feeling lost
mushrooms
pomegranate seeds in tasty greens
old music (cat stevens right n0w)
secrets
honesty
gentle hearts
and strong ones too
voicemails
looking in the mirror and laughing
soft skin
kirtan
caring parents
sibz
grandmas, and aunts
frenz
eye colors
socks
dutch pancakes
real syrup
having time alone
being able to breathe
not feeling the need to conform to anything
notes from friends
thinking about things differently just from listening to others talk
CHEESE!
the word unconditional



all my lists are so similar.
what can i say

It's a whirlwind of personalities around here!

good thingz- edit- not november 16th. actually the 23rd.

water.
water water water!
hands.
doodling
tea
feelings
notes
scratchy records
brave friends
spilling out, in any form

eggz in a basket
solitude amongst a crowd
being okay with seeing things gray
the word, collaborating
and the idea of collaborating

realizing "knowing"
is limitless
and i will always want to know more
and question more
and love more

and i will always have an idea of how things "should" be,
but it's okay if things aren't actually that way

being okay with taking time to meditate
in a song
or a mantra
or an idea
or a FEELING!
(bad or good!)
and have it resonate deeply
and then let it go!

Am i too much? Not enough? Will my ribs burst open from a simple touch of a stranger? Would I let myself find out anyway? I fear going too far, too deep, delving into unwanted territories and not being able to escape! I could stare at you for hours, or even a simple second, and fall madly, deeply in love; only to pretend that I feel otherwise. Because to love too much, what is to amount of that anyways but a belly fully of chocolate candies or a desk filled with papers I need to look through and starbursts waiting to be eaten.

to be anything
is to be
laying in a warm bed
all alone
with the window open (but the shade pulled down)
and the cars to be rushing by


but it is night
and we are all in bed
alone
a-lone
loner?
nah
it's nighttime.

and it's not that we are really alone
but we all sleep alone
and dream alone
even if fuzzy creatures show up in our dreams

we close our eyes
and sarcasm
and jokes are forgotten for the day

and there is this realm
of peacefulness
oneness
with the dividend of life's separateness
body-mind- me- you- us


see you tomorrow :)