twist of a day

some days, my body is so heavy and i can barely speak without feeling gross. i am sorry in advance to you, don't take it personally please. some days its like im trying to fight away the pain rather than find happiness- but what is one without the other, anyways? happiness, pain.. they seem to know each other. and then a twist of a day and i feel alright again. i don't know where a sense of well being randomly sprouts from, but i am happy when it does. is life worth living because we deem it tragic when others die? do we think it is tragic because we loved that person, or is it tragic because a whole life was left- unlived? if i assume the second, then life is worth living. and its not that i am trying to believe that, i really do believe that. it's just that sometimes i want to be closer to the beautiful things than i can be, so i do stupid things. i go out on a limb and am sometimes disappointed in myself- but other times it feels good to strive towards things even if they feel unattainable at the time. it's beautiful to see you live though, let me tell you that. all of you, i love to watch live. i like humans more than i care about the earth, and yet humans seem more complex to me than ... anything.