who?

school seems to be a lot about the reasoning behind things,
why things are the way they are.
it's like this institution feels the need to pick everything apart
down to its bone
until there is nothing left..
no substance, no mystery.
study the brain, study the heart,
study my beliefs, study that flower
you find so beautiful.
the more i see, the less i know.
the more i learn, the more confused i am.

things were easier when i was 5,
and i just lived.
i didn't really worry about how i was living
or why.

ah, the bliss of being young and unaware.
what if we could live like that forever?
not unaware, but just in a child's world,
a world where things were less complicated
because we didn't know how to cause confusion
like we do now.
my confusion was only of the basic sorts-
hunger, sibling rivalry, bloody knees.
that's feeling alive, open wounds.
summer really was freeing-
because i didn't even know what day it was-
or what i would do tomorrow
or how i would get there.

tell me why,
in a world of 98579587359835 people,
i choose to blend in.
to have no opinion.
to not care about
so much,
and yet the things i do care about
slip right through my hand,
unable to materialize, actualize,
make sense of what these things
actually are.

this isn't a boo hoo to growing up
sh-peal
but more of a contemplation of why I,
[who can choose any path i want
and
swing, move, run , walk, skip,
dive, trot, whistle, sing, hoola hoop
to the end]
make things more complicated than they are,
and pretend to not know who I am
when i clearly remember the child I once was.