ramble after classs

some days i wonder what i know. what do i hold important, what is the meaning of my days? in class today hays asked someone if they knew anything about water systems, and he said no. and then he asked "well what do you know?' and he said "uhh.. nothing." he wasn't a stupid kid. but it really got me thinking, what do i know? is there anything significant that every day i walk around and know is true? some people might say "you know that you are loved" but i have this weird thing in my head that tells me people can't really love me, because they don't really know who i am. hm. so what do i know? hays asked what makes us like or dislike someone. someone responded "their beliefs or values on something in comparison to my own" and hays thought that was interesting. i said "how that person makes you feel" and he laughed in my face and said "yup that's what we learned in kindergarten.. but i didn't go to kindergarten." so does it really not matter what others think, how others make you feel, feelings at all? do i base my life upon feelings? i might. are feelings the value of our days? if they are, i am screwed up. but what's more than that- maybe i am seeking the wrong thing- i claim to hate the way our society works and how it's all about success and materials and all of these things and i claim i will never conform- yet i hate ridicule. i hate the thought of being rejected- by friends, by society, by people who think the way i think is wrong. i love the feeling of people agreeing with me, or it's really easy for me to agree with others. that's what i walk around doing. i don't walk around and question the way things are, i walk around and find people who are like me and who i can agree with. i don't really learn anything and i don't seek knowledge, i listen to things that fit into things i already know. the other things i dismiss. nope, i can't relate to that. in class when we are learning about something i have never heard about before, i don't pay attention. but then when i hear "socrates" or "soul" or something i recognize with, then i pay attention. maybe it's not all about making each other feel good- maybe it's not about being told "yes yes, you are fine, you are enough, you.. the way you think and feel is great. you are accepted." hays also said today (last time i'll repeat something hays said) that there are all of these different groups of people that try to better the body. cosmetologists, physicians, bakers, etc.. If you go to a physician they might tell you that you need to eat better and exercise, and then you will feel better. but umm.. working out doesn't feel good, and junk food tastes really good. bakers will agree. bakers like to comfort people with their food. it tastes sooo good. cosmetologists like to say that they will have you looking great with the right hair, the right make up, the right "look." it feels good to be wearing make-up that's hiding what's on your skin, or wearing the right clothes that make your body "look" good. (reminds me of those makeover shows.) and yet, are they really changing anything? so i guess the point of these things is to say- yeah, doing what is good for you is kind of painful. it hurts. doing what's not good for you is really easy, and easily disguised. it's pleasing at the time. people agreeing with you feels good, and its great when its sincere. but if not.. it's not making me question what i believe. and i kind of really like being questioned, deep down. i wish i was more often.
what do i know: i love difficult dialogues concerning religious beliefs.